There's a Better Beast Out There: Quickie
It’s come to my attention recently that the man with an ironing board for a face and terrible blond hair recently stole the Beast and did a lap around the Daytona 500 circuit keeping politics in sports. The vehicle itself is impressive, but I reckon there’s better cars out there to ferry state heads.
For one, the French are a lot less bourgeoisie when it comes to transporting themselves to places of diplomatic relations and whatever bureaucracy is typical over there. François Mitterrand is a more famous example, who was known to drive himself. The photo of him getting out of a Renault 5 has remained a point of poignant domestic symbolism.
Americans are rather more bashful. It’s clear that the U.S. State Department has money to spend if they’ll pause a contract to shell out $400 million to go toward armored electric vehicles. The Beast is a $1.5 million investment but I reckon it can be cheaper still.
Former president Biden famously proclaims his love for Corvettes and is known for getting behind the wheel during his time in office. A Corvette is too small for a lot of people but thankfully, that’s not where my solution lies.
Somehow, American passenger cars are scarce. The Chevrolet Malibu is dead, as is the Camaro. The new Dodge Charger hasn’t gotten a lot of love as an EV and won’t see a V-8 Hemi in the gas version. The Ford Fusion is long gone, leaving only the Mustang. Thankfully, there’s a Mustang worthy of consideration.
With the seventh generation well underway, the S650 iteration of the iconic pony car took it upon itself to launch a new performance variant dubbed the Dark Horse. This throws in track upgrades and upgrades the manual transmission from a Getrag to a Tremec unit.
I say, with presidents getting older by the minute, put the Dark Horse in the hands of candidates and see how they handle the clutch. If they can shift in seamless fashion and have enough brevity to hit 100 mph, they pass the cognitive test.
Then, to boost public appeal, they drive it in ceremonial parades near Pennsylvania Avenue in a bid to improve morale among citizens they swore to serve.
Then more people buy Mustangs and it becomes a better place. Isn’t that what we all want?