There's a Link Between the Toyota Grand Highlander and the Blobfish, I Promise: Quick Jump

I’d been under the weather this week. That hasn’t stopped me coming up with future content for Sped, but it does mean the creative juices have slowed down a bit amid recovery. That doesn’t mean however, that once something gets in my head I can’t unsee it, and therefore I feel an obligation share with you and the rest of the internet.

It involves the Toyota Grand Highlander, a rather mundane family SUV that, to be honest, I don’t have a lot to write home about except its appearance from a certain angle.

That certain angle is what brought up the blobfish comparison:

Do you see what I see? The beady little eyes match the reverse lights, with the taillight housing drooping in a downward angle, as is the lower bumper to match the blobfish’s Eeyore-like demeanor.

This is a styling choice by the largest vehicle manufacturer in the world. It’s nightmare optics on behalf of the blobfish, which manages to achieve its melting appearance due to extreme decompression brought on by underwater pressure. Blobfish navigate roughly half a mile deep, lending its general aesthetic to empower the population of Millennial and Gen-Z emos.

So let’s end this note on a positive and share what it looks like in its natural habitat:

Not so much a family SUV, eh? Like a Toyota born from this century, it looks rather inoffensive and up to the task of conducting fishy business without suspicion. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather look at the rear end of a Toyota Grand Highlander than burn my eyes reading a fluff piece on non-performative steering wheel buttons found on a Chevy.

There are better ways to amuse yourself on a road trip that don’t confine to reading slop on your phone. Now every time you get a chance to tailgate a Toyota Grand Highlander, the burning image of a blobfish will come to mind and you’ll have a couple of amusing factoids to share with your fellow occupants before it brake checks you.

-TA

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